are clean code principles really a good thing?

i tend to get into disagreements easily whenever the topic is "clean code". we're supposed to write it, but there's no objective way to measure it. my anti-favorite is "SOLID"

half of that isn't even defined. what is a responsibility, for example? doesn't SRP taken literally mean i can never do business logic AND log things in the same class?

i read somewhere "don't introduce classes when you don't have to."

but i never have to. i can use hashmaps for everything. or just stringly type everything.

i like to "just solve the actual problem and write self explanatory code", totally disregarding explicit clean code principles. who is with me?