Agile, Scrum, Kanban… or just a really long list of things that dont work?

You ever notice that every methodology promises to fix your chaos, but somehow just adds more chaos? Agile? More like "wait, we’re changing the plan again?" Scrum? I’d rather be in a real scrum. Lean? Sure, let me lean over this overflowing backlog. At this point, I’m just waiting for "Methodology Extreme" where we throw darts at a board and see what sticks. Anyone else?